Arsene Has a Cunning Plan (We Just Don’t Know What it is Yet)


The season starts on Saturday…it starts on Saturday!!!!! How amazing is that? Great… really, err, yeah, brill…ah, who am I kidding? Things are just ludicrous at the moment. My glass has been half empty, then full to the brim, then as I get a slap of reality to the face the glass breaks and all its contents (the last remaining water on Earth) seeps into the sand of the sandiest of deserts. And whose fault is it all? It’s Arsene Wen…I jest. It’s basically my fault for having such an investment in something I can do next to nothing about, apart from scream (sometimes for joy) and moan. But I’m in. There’s no escaping now. Only thing left to do is wait and be optimistic. Maybe weep a little.


Looking at our dead-as-a-doornail transfer activity, one would assume that at any moment Arsene is ready to hatch a master plan so cunning you could dress it up as a lady and sell it to John Terry. But maybe we are all missing the point…all of us – the crowd. Looked at positively, we have ridden ourselves of just about everyone who was considered to be useless. Looking at the list, we can’t deny that it’s been a good summer in that respect. So, that’s positive number one. Secondly, we haven’t lost anyone (significant) – imagine sitting with Arsene as he’s spelling out the reasons you shouldn’t jump off the ledge quite just yet. I see Arsene a bit like Walter White (Heisenberg) from Breaking Bad. If you don’t know the character (get watching), his basic aim in life is to get the people around him to understand that his actions are for the greater good, and especially for the people he cares about the most.


“Now, I get that, Arsene, but please, FFS, sign Luis Suarez right now or I’ll jump, goddamit!” (And I’m in the ‘please don’t sign that wanker’ camp. But I’m desperate).

Gazidis, the man of riddles, has been at it too. When you hear something like: “We can do some things which would excite you. We can think about all kinds of things. We could do that [buy a £20million player], we could do more than that” it really is enough to drive even the most patient of us to despair.


This is the current state of affairs for long-suffering Gooners. However, there may (please sense the irony) be hope. We have a great squad with many players coming through that we would have considered average a season or two ago. With a good non-injury run under our belts (haha, I know), we could put in a solid start to the season, especially with the run of games we are facing.

We have Jack, Theo, Ramsey, Kos, Santi, and the rest, looking like they really can make all the bad stuff go away. That’s what they’re there for, right? To make us happier. I genuinely believe that they want to do so, too. If we could just sneak in a talismanic madman or some unheard of footballing genius just to make our nerves a little less jangly, wouldn’t that be just great? OK, so it’s not going to happen. Wenger’s never going to do something so obvious. But maybe therein lies the answer. Maybe he knows that the team are primed and ready for anything. Maybe they can hold the fort until the end of the transfer window, and just at the final minute he’ll bring in that extra body we need. Yep, that’s Arsene. That has to be the plan. It’d be masochistic if it was anything different (Why go into the season weaker than the last?). If this is the case, my hat will be taken off, screwed to the floor, never to be adorned again – the man would be a bonafide genius in my eyes.


So, in conclusion, maybe we should trust again in the genius that is Arsene Wenger. He has done it before and can do it again. Maybe it’s just a coincidence that all these players have blossomed at the same time and the team is primed and ready to fight on all fronts. If we could do it, the romance would be spectacular. And as Walter White said in a recent episode, “If you don’t know who I am then maybe your best course of action would be to tread lightly.” Substitute “know who I am” with “understand me” and “tread lightly” with “trust me”. Perhaps it’s the last course of action Arsenal fans have left.


25 Responses to Arsene Has a Cunning Plan (We Just Don’t Know What it is Yet)

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  15. FPGooner says:

    A better analogy for a movie would be ‘Being there’ with Peter Sellers, where the senile ramblings of a gardener is mistaken for pearls of wisdom by the public.

    I am staggered that there are still fellow gooners willing to give him chance after chance, season after season while our squad deteriorates and becomes weaker. I cannot listen to his interviews anymore, ‘the only people who have bought are Man City’, ‘there are no players left because other clubs have bought early’, ‘we need to focus on the players we have’ etc.

    Other clubs just buy. Reports of Arsenal buying use the words ‘Arsenal edging closer to buying’, ‘Arsenal hope to table a bid next week’ etc. We are becoming more and more of a shambles with this senile old fool in charge.

  16. Philip Phillips says:

    The squad might (and only might – look at how Spuds have been strengthening their squad) get 4th, if we have a guarantee of everyone performing at their 100% best with no injuries. That is, of course, a fantasy as there is no strength in depth. We have unreliable goalkeepers, only 2 fit centre halves, no physical presence in midfield and no one to guarantee 20 plus goals.

    Realism is without at least 4 strong additions top 10 rather than top 4.

  17. therisinggun says:

    Cheers, knysnagunner. Yeah, am with you on that.

  18. knysnagunner says:

    Good article. If all the fans will only remember the window closes 2 Sept. Before that we still have to qualify for the CL, which may be important for a number of transactions, e.g. Suarez’s famous release clause or players who want to be certain that we will be in the CL. I am just glad that the season starts on saturday, to bring some respite from all the transfer bullshit.

  19. therisinggun says:

    Thanks, John. Yeah, I was struggling a bit for positives, but I find it hard to believe that AW hasn’t got some grip on things – I’m gripping on for dear life with that comment, by the way. Can see investments being made still. Staying calm…

  20. John says:

    Enjoyed your ‘hatch a plan so cunning…dress it up as a lady to sell to JT bit ‘ – was somewhat Blackadder-esq. On a serious note was nice to see a piece written looking at some of the positives we can take into the new season rather than the usual misery and despair you see written on other blogging sites.

    Further, think it’s only fair to judge Wenger / Ivan on their ‘performance’ in the transfer window when it actually closes. Argument to that is that if we buy now none of the new signings have time to gel, yeah fair one, but better late than never…

  21. dan says:

    he has left them open to carnage if it goes pear shaped against villa and fenebche. whole thing us incompetence beyond belief

  22. therisinggun says:

    Let’s just hope Wenger’s got it right. Going to be an avalanche of abuse if he hasn’t.

  23. Quince says:

    Yes, yes, yes, yes. BUT…. We finished fourth (just) with these players. Yes another season to adapt…. But what if Kos or Per gets injured? Or Arteta? Or Giroud? I mean, we have nothing but kids to come in. And the last time that happened, we went to Old Trafford at shared 10 goals….

  24. therisinggun says:

    It’s Wenger that’s mad, then.

  25. dan says:

    cuckoo land mate!!!!

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